BROMLEY COLUMN: 'Tis the season for litigation

By Ben Bromley, Capital Newspapers

Just hear those lawsuits ring-alin, ting-ting-ting-alin, too. Come on it's lovely weather to head to the courthouse and sue.

It's Christmastime in Wisconsin, and 'tis the season to be litigious. Soon local governments across the state will set up their nativity scenes — and set the stage for legal battles. Deck the halls with subpoenas!

It's the most riveting yuletide entertainment this side of hip-checking your lactose-intolerant Uncle Milt every time he tries to sample the cheese plate.

Last year, the Freedom From Religion Foundation threatened to sue Sauk County for placing a creche on the courthouse lawn in Baraboo. Who knew the babe in swaddling clothes would need representation? Anyone know whether the Wise Men have law degrees?

A letter from the Freedom From Religion Foundation called the creche a "violation of Supreme Court guidelines and the First Amendment." And furthermore, "bah" and "humbug."

The letter followed a resident's complaint about the nativity scene, and a county supervisor's threat to set out a yule log and build a festival around it. This of course stirred up a blizzard of letters to the editor, most of which sided with the committee that voted to keep the creche. The county legal adviser opined that the nativity sat on solid legal ground, as the county allows any group to use the courthouse lawn as long as their use doesn't interfere with county operations.

And if you thought all of this was as confusing as trying to assemble your son's new Transformers, check out what happened in Green Bay last December. There, the city council president — after learning of the Freedom From Religion Foundation's objection to a creche in another community — erected one at city hall.

The Freedom From Religion Foundation sued — it is, after all, what they do — although the nativity quickly was removed. Why did it disappear so quickly, like Santa ascending a chimney ? Because after the creche went up, the city had to grant requests for other religious displays. Among those installed was a wreath containing a pentacle, a five-pointed star that is an important symbol for the Wicca religion. The wreath was later removed by vandals.

A suburban resident sarcastically asked the city to install a pole symbolizing Festivus, a holiday popularized in an episode of TV's "Seinfeld." Another resident asked for a symbol honoring the "Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster."

You know things have gotten out of control when the city council must debate the merits of a flying spaghetti monster. The mayor imposed a moratorium on religious symbols. Following a divisive debate over whether the city should sponsor the nativity scene, the council voted 4-1 to keep the display but put all other requests on hold until it could draw up guidelines. Those rules were still being debated as recently as last month.

Honestly, is this the Christmas spirit? What's next, hauling Santa before a grand jury to determine whether he's real? Wait, they already tried that in "Miracle on 34th Street."

There is no clear-cut court decision that could determine the legality of a courthouse creche, said Ann Althouse, a University of Wisconsin-Madison professor who teaches a course in religion and the Constitution. Many communities could court manger danger.

"I certainly don't think the law is clear," she said. "I think it depends on the situation. Even under the existing case law, the Supreme Court tended to look at all different factors. I think it's unpredictable."

All of this legal wrangling is preventing us from focusing on the themes of the season, which are of course peace, goodwill toward all, and backhanding anyone who gets between you and that sale-price iPhone at Best Buy. What's next, FAO Schwarz suing Santa for his monopoly on Christmas toy making? Postal workers filing a class-action suit against catalog retailers over back injuries? Joseph seeking a court-ordered paternity test?

Let us remember that this is a time for universal harmony. We should let all faiths celebrate this special time together, even if it means covering the courthouse lawn or the city hall steps with religious symbols. Better yet, erect all those displays in front of the cheese plate to block Uncle Milt.

-  Send Christmas greetings or legal arguments to columnist Ben Bromley at bbromley@capitalnewspapers.com.